Week #7

At this time 7 weeks ago, I was finally numb, laying on the operating table, and getting ready to receive this wonderful blessing:

We knew it would be scary and hard, but had no clue what an emotionally, mentally, physically, and even socially hard time this would be. Many minutes were spent waiting for 'that' call (and hoping we'd never get it), many tears were shed, many miles were driven, & many prayers were offered up over and over and over. Everything that we have been through in the past 7 weeks is momentarily forgotten, and we remember how very blessed we are to have sweet Lucy when you get to do this-->

Recent weights:
Friday-4 pounds 6 1/2 ounces
Saturday-4 pounds 7 1/4 ounces
Sunday-4 pouncs 8 3/4 ounces
Monday- 4 pounds 9 1/2 ounces



Day 46ish

Luke is at work, Landon is in bed, Lucy is in the NICU, and I'm laying in bed typing when I should be sleeping. Tonight didn't work out as planned: rooming in with Lucy in the NICU to be able to bring her home tomorrow. She had another spell last night while she was sleeping, and the nurses had to stimulate her to get her heart rate back up. We were JUST at the end of the count, but it is better it happened at the hospital and not at home while we are asleep and have no clue. She has had spells on me before so I know what the color change looks like, or what to look for, but it is still scary! She had one today also, but she brought herself back very quickly like she normally has been.
Her blood as been close to the transfusion mark for the past little bit, so they will check it again Monday. The Dr wanted just to let me know now, that if it is still borderline they might go ahead and do a transfusion to get it up. She was over 10 weeks early, and is still little, so it is a little rare that she hasn't had one yet. No, I haven't donated yet. It is just so hard to find time to do that and go to the hospital at a time when I can. I know many people have offered to help watch Landon, BUT fitting it around when Landon needs to be in bed for the night, times the NICU is closed, and getting there when she is eating is hard to get all scheduled together, not to mention around when I need to pump, and when Luke isn't at work.BUT tomorrow I am planning on getting to the hospital at 8am for her feeding ( which if you care to know includes me taking her temp., changing her diaper, trying to nurse, feeding a bottle, and then pumping ). I will call in the morning also to see if I can go donate tomorrow AM, and if it will be ready in time on Monday if needed for Lucy ( Luke swears we are both A+).Hopefully I can get all that done BEFORE Luke needs to leave for work at 11:30.
So, Lucy will HOPEFULLY come home in a few more days. The count started over again, but since before this one it was over a week since the last spell, and a few weeks before that, she might come home with an apnea monitor mid week. We will see after her blood work on Monday.
At this point the apnea is connected to just prematurity. It is not thought to be connected at all to the holes in her heart. It is just another hurdle for preemies to overcome, and the closer to her due date, the better it will get!
I left the camera in the Nitro, so I will just add one from my phone from today. She was starting to fall asleep today with her paci while I was leaving.


Lucy is coming home!

Last night the nurse said, " So you all are planning on rooming in on Friday night?". And we both looked at each other, and then back at her and said ," Well, we don't know. We hadn't been told yet. Are you telling us?". Then she got a  little hesitant, and said she would check again, looked at the charts and said that Lucy is coming home Saturday, and if we want to room in we can Friday night.
And while this is THE BIGGEST PRAISE, and the answer to our prayers, and the most exciting day that we have been looking forward to for 45 days now, you still feel as though the devil is throwing worries at you by the minute.
Luke had off of work today, and we were going to head to the hospital and stay for 2 feedings. I was going to try to nurse Lucy for the 1st time, drop some milk off, andwe had a list of questions to ask the Dr. that have we had thought of overnight. We also had to go get some diapers and wipes. YES, we need those soon, and hadn't bought any!  Of course I wake up today feeling nauseated again, and by 1:00 pm had been throwing up 3 or 4 times already. So I used some of the medicine the Dr gave me a few weeks ago, which means pump and dump for 24 hours JUST TO BE SAFE. (It's OK, we have tons in the freezer there and here.) I also will not be going up there today, I feel fine now just tired. I would be fine around Lucy, she has my milk & most likely won't get sick. But I can't spread my germs to anyone else, as well as Luke and Landon in case they will be getting sick too ( please pray that they won't). So, I was quite a bit sad about not nursing her at all so far. I will get to tomorrow night and Friday night before she comes home.Most nurses had told me that most babies just go home with 1 feeding being nursed anyways. I'm worried about how and when to switch feedings from bottles, I'm worried about pumping, nursing, and making bottles , I'm worried about her getting sick when she comes home, and I'm worried about who/when/how often to have visitors once she gets here. BUT, I'm trying to not worry and know that we will have a Dr to ask those questions to tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday still. We will have lactation people to talk to at the hospital, call, or that can come here. I will have Luke to help me carry this load. I will have everyone that is praying for us as well. I'm trying to stay so positive and remember the special little blessing we will FINALLY be bringing home Saturday!
Her nurse today said she has been great all day! The Dr. has ordered that she needs her minimum amount of 38ml from her bottle, but she can eat until she is full. When we talked to the nurse at 11 AM, she had taken 46 ml, and when we talked to her juts now at 5:30 she had taken 58! I think I remember that 30 is 1 ounce,  so she almost had 2 ounces at one feeding!
Luke and Landon are off to Target to get a big box of wipes with some of a gift card I have left, and since we are out of Tide and have a coupon, they're getting some more Free and Clear. We don't usually get behind on laundry or ever have big stacks that need washing or putting away, but I will go ahead and get done all that we have tonight and tomorrow. I have a feeling that next week will be crazy, even though we've had 7 weeks by that point to get ready =) Landon and I will work on getting some diapers tomorrow, and  I need to go get my DTaP booster shot. I didn't get it in the hospital, and  am going to before she comes home. Luke has a big day at work tomorrow--there are some important people walking the store. They will also be in NC when he goes back in 2 weeks, so he wants to make sure his store ( and he) make a good impression. Then we will be off to visit sweet Lucy tomorrow night!
We will keep updating for the next few days, but I can't guarantee how often once she comes home =) We will see how the transition goes from the NICU to home, as well as 1 kid to 2. Please keep praying for us as we start the next step of this journey now. We already have appointments to make :hearing, cardiologist, pediatrician, and everything else that goes along with being born at 29 weeks and 5 days & spending almost 7 weeks in the NICU. Please pray that she continues to grow as she should, and that her health & development won't be hindered from this early birth. We love you, and are so thankful to have friends and family who have cared during this long wait!


Yay for 2 things in this photo:
1) a bottle
2) no feeding tube
The tube is staying out unless she needs a tube feed. She had been pulling it out every time it went back in last week. So far today, she has done all bottles, in under the time she needs to, and with no problems. A face without tape looks SO good to me!
Lucy passed her car seat test, her oxygen didn't drop below 98 the whole 45 minutes her nurse said. I was worried about that to be honest. I didn't want to start her 6 day count over--just in case that would put us back any. If she does all bottles for 24 hours, then I'll ask the time frame for having to drink all bottles. I hate asking all the time, because it makes you feel a little let down. We did start the check-off process so we aren't bombarded with things the night we room in. (I hope she comes home before Luke goes to NC, or I'll be up there by myself--not really a big deal though, I guess.) We are taking an infant CPR class on the 5th of Feb. and watching the preemie care dvd Wednesday. She passed her hearing test & we gave them her pediatrician's name. I think that was all that we did/signed up for last night.
Posted by PicasaShe did have a low temp. last night, so we didn't giver her a soap bath. She also had lost about half an ounce. So she got bundled up with a nice warm blanket and hat before we left. After she takes a bottle for 24 hours, I have been told I can attempt to nurse once a day. I think her 8 PM feeding tonight will be 24 hours.
Things are looking to be progressing , hopefully it will be SOON!


The big Question!

Q: When will Lucy come home?!?!
A: We don't know.
Lucy had a few milestones she had to hit in order to be able to come home with us. She still has not yet mastered taking every feeding from a bottle. Today she did 3 in a row. Her 8PM feeding was from her tube, and the nurse was attempting the next 3 by bottle after that. That makes 6 out of 8 by mouth today--if she does OK tonight. She has to be able to do this for a certain amount of days before she can come home ( I think maybe 5 ?) .

She also has to go 6 days with no spells. They did have to count a spell on the 21st, which would put her at least at the 27th before coming home. Her oxygen was staying very low while I was with her, and they had to end up doing blow by oxygen to get her stats back up later on.

Her red blood count is also borderline too low right now. They are testing it again in the morning, I'm assuming to see if she needs a blood transfusion. She is my blood type, so now I wish I had gone and given blood in case she needed some. So weird thinking someone elses blood will go in her. but I know it's all safe, and many preemies have to have them. At the time we talked about me going to donate in case she needed it, I had low platelette counts and had so much blood taken myself, I never wanted to talk about drawing blood again. We just hadn't thought of it since then. If her count is ok tomorrow, I might go ahead and donate for her.
I'm not sure what other milestone she has to hit. Actually, we got tired of asking about that a while ago. It's always been that ''every baby is different and just when she is ready, then she will be able to go but it's still a while down the road.But she is doing great for how little she still is. "
I'm sure some of this is wrong, but I'm remembering what I can. =) I'm trying not to get discouraged. Tomorrow is 6 weeks since I had sweet Lucy, and it is also my 6 week check-up.
I'm taking a 30 minute nap before I have to wake back up at midnight, then if I can fall right back asleep, I'll have about 5 more to sleep before I need to get up again. Keep baby Lucy in your prayers. Pray for us not to get discouraged when it seems to keep draggin on, pray for anxiety when we do get to bring her home and she isn't hooked up to monitors, being evaluated every 3 hours and multiple nurses and doctors nearby, pray for germs to stay AWAY when she does come home, and mostly pray for several families/families of friends we know who are dealing with the death of a baby.We know/know of 3 right now who are dealing with this issue, so it is in our faces. It is something we have thought about daily. We know God will help provide comfort and peace and the ablility to move forward for these families, but we know the road is tough and long, and they can use all the prayers they can get.


Landon is always

hopping like a frog or rabbit. ALWAYS. I'm not sure when he started doing it, sometime after I had Lucy. and we're not sure if he is being a frog or a rabbit at all.He is so crazy.He is starting to ask if he can play every time we drive up around Same Ridley--the way to the Y. I feel bad for canceling the membership. He played there 5 days a week for at least an hour, and now he is just stuck at home with me. I was just thinking today that Monday is my 6 week checkup, and hopefully after that I can get back to the Y. Then I remembered we can't. Hopefully in a few months. I want to for sure get through RSV season before I take Landon into such a germy place, I don't want him bringing anything home to her. And Even if I need to get back into workouts before April, I can always join back and just go when Luke is home from work.
Landon in the NICU waiting room with Daddy
Lucy got moved into a regular bed Thursday. She kept her temperature up and gained weight, so they have quit adding the extra calories into her milk. She is up to 35 ml per feeding, and the Dr ordered by mouth or tube at every feeding( not just try whenever to see who she will do). Right now we are at every other feeding by bottle. And is is just SO worn out after that bottle until it's time for the next. She is also wearing clothes now =) Tomorrow they will try 2/3 feedings by bottle. We will see how it goes!
Her 1st outfit
It's late, and the nights are very short. Keep her little body in your prayers still. And keep our minds and heart in them too. 40 days is along time. We know it's one day closer to having her home though!


*January 19th*

22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 2:22-24

Lucy is now 37 days old, and her gestational age is 35 weeks and 1 day! This is the week Luke and I had planned on her making her appearance due to the umbilical cord vessel issue.But, as we all know, there were other plans. We are still thankful for how healthy she has stayed throughout the first month. We are trying to at least stay in control of that so there are no other issues we have to deal with right now. We are so very happy that the NICU is so strict on cleanliness, and also glad that she has had breastmilk to keep her from getting the stomach bug that mommy had. How crazy is it that a mom's body makes antibodies for the sickness that she has so that baby will stay healthy.I'm not sure I would have thought of that when creating people! 
There are 2 things in the NICU that make me tear up still. 1) When Lucy's neighbors go home & 2) When new mommies come in in their wheelchair the first few times, and leave bawling and wiping their faces with kleenexes.
When we were in the intensive section, there was a little boy that shared a nurse with Lucy, he was about 3 weeks old & sick. He couldn't handle any milk, and was on electrolytes. He finally got to where he was great with just breastmilk, and then he was gone. That is when Lucy moved over to another area from bed #51 to bed #49. Then when she was there the 1 pound 8 ounce boy was born--he is still in the intensive section, while Lucy shortly moved to the Step-down unit. When we moved to the Step-down unit, the little boy that was behind us had been in the NICU for 3 months! He was born right around 25 weeks. The day I had Lucy, his parents assured Luke that we would be FINE at 30 weeks, and that their son had come so far since then. He was born on October 3rd and went home right before the 2nd week in January. Then we had another little girl move into his spot. She was born right at 35 weeks, but her mom had been in the hospital for 8 weeks altogether by the time she was discharged. She was right over 4 pounds when she was born ( the mom's 6th child, but 8th between the mom and dad!) The mom also had to have a hysterectomy and bladder surgery and was pretty out of it the first couple times we saw her. The baby just needed to gain her weight back before she could go home. They left on Monday.All the other babies in the step-down section are separated by walls. There is 1 little boy who was a twin. The twin went home about a week and  a half ago, but he is still there. We see them some, but they are around a corner. There are so many babies in the intensive section right now, it's always so loud and busy when I walk back to pump. Hopefully they will all get healthy, and be able to move up to the next level!
The other day an older couple ( older for having a baby, I'd say at least 40's) rolled into the NICU. Luke and I both kinda noticed when they rolled in--she had on a silk robe, fancy slippers, long blond hair semi-curled, and he was dressed nicely. It reminded me of how gross I looked when I went in the first time--I hadn't showered in about 6 days, my hair had been pulled up the same way for 5 days, my body was still swollen because I hadn't started the diuertic yet, Idon't even know if I had slippers on, and had on 1 robe front ways and 1 robe backwards. I had my glasses on, I still felt out of it, and was trying to prepare myself to see a baby that was 2 pounds and 3 ounces.
I'm not even quite sure I had wanted to go down yet, but made myself.....and was made by Luke. I remembered how I felt that day as the lady and man rolled out. As she went in, she was trying to hold everything in and keep her composure, but as she left, she had a wad of kleenexes and tears streaming down her face. This is what i remember looking like as soon as I rolled to Lucy's bed--and for the first month after she was born and I didn't have a day without a lot of tears.. We've seen them come in and leave the same exact way about 3 times.I wish I could go hug her and cry with her, and tell her that everything will be fine. But, the sad thing is that it might not be alright with their baby. Families like this also remind us of how blessed we are with Lucy's health.
The first 'negative' report we have gotten was yesterday, and even so the Dr. talked to us with a smile on his face. He assured us that everything is as good as it can be, and no big deal at all. They did hear a heart murmur this week, and she has 2 holes in her heart. I forget the names of them both. 1 is something that preemie babies get, and should close on its own. The other is 'ok' also. Neither of them require anything to be done to them, besides going to a cardiologist in about a month and  a half to follow up.
Lucy's day nurse yesterday said that she drank 34/34 ml of her bottle-all of it- in about 20 minutes. That means that she is getting the hang of it. The night nurse was skipping the next feeding by bottle, and trying the next one to see how she did. Drinking a bottle still takes a lot of energy for her since she isn't 4 pounds yet.  She will soon be at the 4 pound mark! Then, as of now, all we have left is to get her fully feeding not on the tube. With her bottles, she has to drink the minimum amount they set in under 30 minutes.
Thanks again for the prayers and especially FOOD! It's so great to not have to worry about that right now still as we are going back and forth between the hospital and carrying on our lives at Home Depot and at home with Landon.
We did also meet a man yesterday while we were waiting to scrub in. He buzzed in and said he was there to see the ____ babies, and I saw he had 2 bracelets on. I asked him if he had twins, and he said yes that one was born Sunday at ____Am, and the other one was just born that morning. How cool! I mean, I know it was a bad situation that led them to being born that way, and having to be in the NICU is not cool at all. I wish we hadn't been let in right then to scrub in because I wanted to talk to him more! He said they were very early, but I'm guessing they were bigger for their size because he was a TALL man. Maybe we will see him tonight, and I can ask more!
We will keep updating, keep us in your prayers still. It seems we are getting closer to coming home, but keeping Lucy at home until April will wear us down also. At least we won't have to figure our times to go back and forth, and she will be here with us! Just don't make fun of me, I'm already getting a sign ready to put on the door for when visitors come over. There will be some strict rules around here if you come visit, anything to keep us away from the E.R.


1 month old

Today is January 13th, 2011.
Lucy Emilia is 1 month old!
Little Lucy decided to take  longer gaining weight at the beginning, so the time frame of 4-5 weeks the doctors initially told us is looking to be extended. We have known the entire time that it would all just depend on her & how quickly she progressed. But she has remained healthy the entire time! We are so blessed and thankful for that! She is currently 3 pounds 9 1/2 ounces, and she has moved up to eating a WHOLE OUNCE OF MILK at each feeding! That's 8 ounces a day! We might not have too many more pictures of her in the isolete, because she might be gaining fast from here on and moving to an open bed....which also means WEARING CLOTHES!!!! It is so enjoyable to go and sit with her at the hospital. Wether she is asleep in her bed or in my arms, it is so peaceful to be with her. I'm really hoping for just 2 more weeks of this, at the most. She is starting to show more intrest in the bottle at each feeding, and I really believe it will just 'click' here soon. She can suck very well, she can breathe great while she sucks, she just still isn't quite sure what this wet stuff is in her mouth. And sometimes she doesn't even care, and just wants her belly full!
Thank you again for all the thoughts and prayers! We really appreciate everything--the cards, calls, gift cards, food--EVERYTHING! It is so wonderful to know that we are loved and cared for.It's still hard to be away from her and know that someone else is taking care of our child all day, every day. Someone else has been raising our baby for an entire month now. People told us not to worry that it would go by quickly--well it hasn't =) It's been way too long of a month, but we know that there is a greater purpose for all of this, there is a reason we don't know or can't see right now. And we might never know why things are the way they are.We know that God has his hand over sweet little Lucy while she is away from us,and we know that he has been there to provide comfort to us when we needed it the most. She is already bringing such joy to our family, and she isn't even home with us yet! She is such a little miracle, and we are so proud to be her parents. We are so happy to have her, and can't wait to show her off! Landon has been talking about his baby and the doctors more and more everyday, and sometimes asks as we're leaving the hospital why baby Lulu isn't with us. He is so sweet and kindhearted, and has been SUCH a wonderful blessing to us as well. He has helped Mommy through a lot the past few weeks. I can't wait to be in public and be able to show that I am a Mommy of 2 to both of these wonderful children!

{mommy might not have a newborn at home, but she still only gets about 4 good hours of sleep in a row. I might not like the every 3 hour eating schedule she will be on. Landon came home eating every 4 hours, and shortly went to 6 at night...... }


4 weeks later....

Lucy is still snuggled in her bed at the NICU.
Well, except for when Mommy or Daddy get to hold her. I don't always get to hold her everyday =(  I didn't last night because I got up there so late, and there was a lot going on in the OR and L&D, and it was almost 6:00 ( no visitors from 6-8). And we went up this morning, and I wasn't able to hold her either.  She did get her temperature probe taken off of her body when she hit 3 pounds and 5 ounces (as of Saturday night), and is able to get out once per shift to be held. She weighed in last night at 3 pounds and 6 ounces.Her feedings are up to 28ml, and she tried a bottle last night for the first time! She ate almost half of her 8PM feeding out of it, was pretty messy but did OK, and then did the rest with her feeding tube. I really wanted to be there to see her try it for the first time, but we were at home. I had left just at 6 to come home, and we had planned on going right back up after Landon ate.....we just never got around to it. This is the worst part about her being in the NICU. My baby is 4 weeks old, and she isn't at home. I feel like I've just missed my baby's whole first month of life. I try to think of it as her still being in the womb, since she is secluded basically in an incubator. She shouldn't and wouldn't even be here yet, possibly even about 4 more weeks.But I don't have her inside me, and I can see her outside and hold her, so it just doesn't work. I get upset and worried that it's not going to be the same because she won't know me like she would if she was born regular and came straight home.  She doesn't get to feel me, touch me, hear me, or see me everyday. I've only held her skin to skin 3 times in the last 4 weeks. I guess that is partly my fault for not knowing I could just ask to do it. You hear so much about how skin to skin is important, and my Lucy is just laying in a bed hooked up to cords.
I realized Saturday that I haven't gotten out at all, besides the hospital, since before she was born. The first week, I was in the hospital. The second week, I was in bed most of the time besides going to the hospital because Landon was out of town.Luke went back to work the 3rd week. I did what I needed to do around the house while he was gone, while taking care of Landon, and pumping every 3 hours. Then tried to head to the hospital when Luke was off of work. Somewhere in the 3rd and 4th week we all got the stomach bug! We went to eat Friday night ( I think?), and of course a baby carrier came in right behind us with a little baby girl, and I started to tear up. Then a pregnant girl sat down next to us waiting, talking about how she is due towards the end of February. It's just so WEIRD that I had a baby in me for 30 weeks, being proud and excited of the belly, and had just started fitting into maternity clothes really,strangers always asking about what we were having & what her name is. Now I have her, yet I can't show her off to anyone, it is just a big hole and really makes me feel absolutely incomplete.
 I'm probably the only person who has ever cried when they put away their maternity clothes. Half of it is just because the situation really just sucks and it still upsets me, the other half is because I don't know if I will ever get to pull them out again. I was only 30 weeks and delivered a 2 pound baby, so obviously maternity clothes wouldn't fit my more than like a week after I had her. But I'm not regular size yet, so clothes just make me upset altogether =) We hadn't decided yet if we wanted another or not(but for sure were NOT going to do fertility treatments for the 3rd), and even though I know a few people with HELLP that had a perfectly fine pregnancy afterwards, I just don't know if it's something I can handle worrying about. You have 2 emergency c-sections for random issues that are not related to each other at all, that baffle everyone as to why they happened how they did, and you wonder if it is really worth it to go for it again. It's not something that I need to worry about now, but still in the back of my mind, and putting away maternity clothes made me think about it.
So, I still have moments every day that make me upset. I really think it's something that is not understandable unless you have been at home for a month without your child. It's just a frustrating situation, but we are so thankful that she is healthy and alive. All you ask for is a healthy child, but really? It didn't have to be taken THIS far when it came to that. Never did we want her to be a "long term baby" in the NICU, but it's much better than some other options out there. We just try to keep that in perspective when we get sad. Hopefully, we are almost there! She's growing and progressing more and more everyday. I can't wait to have her home in my arms. I'm not sure if I'll ever put her down!


3 weeks

I was hoping we'd hit 3 pounds right at 3 weeks, but she finally hit it at 3 weeks and 1 day! Last night she weighed in at 3 pounds and 1/4 ounce. She is still doing great. Her oxygen is still turned down to .02. She had to go up as high as .04% the other night because she was having trouble, but she seems better now. I am off of my blood pressure medicine as well right at the 3 week mark. I need to go back through all these posts and make sure I've been keeping track of all her weigh ins. The NICU gave us a journal to keep track of all of these things, and I have just not gotten it out to write in it. Maybe later on today I will go back and use this to help me remember things.
There is a little boy next to where she is now up front. As of the 2nd, he has been there for 12 weeks. He was born at 26 weeks, and weighed 1 pound and something. He had a car seat up there Monday too! We've seen those a few days before the kid goes home, so maybe his time is coming! So exciting. I can't imagine 3 months! I know he had other issues rather than just being little. The day that Lucy was born, the dad was telling Luke that we had no worries, 30 weeks was great, and their baby was only a pound, so she'll be great! It's so crazy that anyone can think that 30 weeks is GREAT! All the nurses and Doctors told me the same thing as they were prepping me for surgery. No one would ever think of  30 weeks as GREAT, but when you compare it to what else could have been, it really is great. It's not ideal, it hurts, it's upsetting, it's devastating, I'm sure will be expensive, and it just is no fun! But she is here, still healthy, growing & gaining weight steadily, and it's much better to what could have been.
Keep praying that she will continue to gain weight, and not get sick!


The kiddos

Landon's imagination is ridiculous. He flies around the house with his buzz lightyears *buuuu yightyear*, making crazy sounds and noises.  He does the same with his Lightning Mcqueen and The King racecars. He has also started repeating like EVERY word we say, even if only we understand him. The other day Luke was commenting on the Carnival Kia's dude's wife, and said WHOA, she got a boob job! It's pretty obvious on the commercial. And Landon screamed out BOOB JOB! We started dying laughing, so of course he started laughing hysterically at himself, running around, and yelling BOOB JOB! He hasn't said it since though.
Luke and I headed to the hospital this morning before he had to go to work, and Landon ran to the front door saying "baby", then ran up to Luke and said "Nandon ( he refers to himself as Landon right now, but he can't say his L's) bye bye.Thank you, Daddy!"
He's been shuffled around between all different people the past 2 1/5 weeks, but not it's just Mommy, Daddy, and Landon. I think we need to get into some type of REGULAR, whatever that is for the next few weeks. I know all of my Doctors said to rest as much as possible while she is in the NICU because it's ALL me when she gets home, but I feel like I've depended on people way too much the past almost 3 weeks.If I'm never here by myself with Landon, I'd just stay in my bed all day long. It's just too comfy! And it just feels too good.

Seriously you'd think that without a newborn, we'd be able to sleep all night.  I'm trying to get about 5.5-6 hours  a night from a little after 1am until 7ish. But, it's just turning into more like 3 hours a night. Too much thinking is going on.I had done SO well about not thinking about what could still happen. When I was on the operating table, my Dr. was waiting on a 2nd opinion about some bruising on my uterus, and I laid there talking to him and carrying on conversations while we waited, and then while he sewed me up. Not ONE person had mentioned the baby since they took her out. I heard people coming in whispering, and I just knew that as soon as i got rolled out, they were going to tell me she hadn't made it.Finally a while after I was back in the L&D room getting pumped with Mag., Luke came in. I was so scared to ask him anything, but finally asked him how everything was. I never worred since then about her. It was just TOO much to even think about. That's part of the reason I wasn't able to go see her until the day I did, I had to relax and keep my BP down, and I couldn't handle it at the time--besides the time when I pysically wasn't allowed to go.But I asked Luke the other night if he worries when we're not there that something is going to happen to her.Luke said he is more worried that something will happen while we are there, and we will have to see something we don't want to. The past 2 times I have held her, we've had to put her back into her bed early because she was just getting tired, and her saturation kept dropping. One time her heart rate went way down too.  It's not fun to be holding your child, and a nurse has to come mess with her to get her back on track. The nurse checked to make sure I was remembering to breathe after it all too. She hasn't had too many spells that the nurses have had to go stimulate her, but she did have one again last night that they had to record.
Overall, she is still doing great. She still needs to grow and get stronger. The bigger she gets, the stronger she will get. Then she will be able to breathe better, suck and try a bottle, and be closer to coming home. She did move spots today though. She was in the back, the most critical area, and moved up to the front today. She is now with a nurse that shares 3 babies! Basically there is nothing wrong with her, she is just on a little oxygen still ( I think they said .1 ), but they just need to 'feed her and grow her'. Or they said she is a 'feeder and grower', they both mean the same thing I guess anyways.We're still sitting right about 2 pounds 14.3 ounces.
It's still crazy how small her body is. When the nurses take her out to hand her to me or Luke, she is just SO tiny. It's like a tiny animal they are wrapping up. I think Luke got it on video today!We've gotten some smiles from her the past few days. She can make some really cute faces, and she can make some really goofy weird faces too!

smile--but a goofy newborn cross-eyed face too.

sweet sleeping face

licking her blanket
wearing a preemie hat