I know that You are for me. I know that You will never, forsake me in my weaknesses. I know that You will come now, even if to write upon my heart. To remind me of who You are.


Another Saturday Night

Saturday night = not my favorite. We miss our church family in Nashville. We really felt like we had family at TCC. We had adults, families, teens, & ' grandparent age' adults that showed love & concern towards all 4 of us. We had a Sunday School class that was always supportive in every stage we have been through and provided much prayer, food,& money throughout Lucy's NICU stay. Landon had an awesome children's ministry with a lot of friends, and a girlfriend. ;) We had a great Mom group on Wednesday nights. Luke keeps saying, "There's just not a TCC here". Nope. But we are trying ;we'll try church #6ish tomorrow. There really is a big difference in home life when you're not plugged into a church and groups. I hated that Landon wasn't in a Christmas program too :(

We will get it figured out soon! Thank you TCC Horizons class & Motherhood & Children's Ministry for being so great to us. We miss you!



Many people have wordless Wednesdays on their blog-- just a picture. I'm going to have worship Wednesday-- a link to a praise & worship / Christian song that I like. I'm starting with 2 today.

I heard this for the 1st time Monday night at the Y after I ran.


Lucy is coming along!

Lucy's speech therapist & ocupational therapist will just be coming one day a month now to check up on Lucy! Now that she has started standing up & walking around things a little, she has started to babble again. She has also gotten away from all of the choking and gagging when she eats. I love not having to buy baby food! She is doing well with solids so far. Her speech therapist wasn't worried so much about her tongue anymore, and if she does have a short frenelum, then we will just watch it as her mouth grows. If it stays short, then that could cause some speech issues later on, but it is a common issue. She can say the 'd' sound and click her tongue, so it isn't affecting her right now. She still is not associating any words with what they are--bottle, paci, momma, dada. We're trying to label things ( with words ) over and over and over. One day, she will know where to look when we say, " Where is Mama?".She is doing great with her fine motor skills, so those check-ups will just be to make sure she doesn't fall behind.

At this time last year, she was 5 weeks old.
 Just gotten rid of her oxygen tube,
And was starting to try a bottle.

On the 22nd, she will be 11 months corrected age, so she is doing pretty good for where she is. She is not the same baby she was in October. She wasn't sitting up, not eating anything but baby food, not using her right hand at all, & no sounds. Can't wait to see where she is in another month!



Landon has started basketball! He is playing on a 3 year old team for the YMCA.


Life these days

We’ve been down a little lately, well, I guess I have been a little down about the chapter in our life that is closing. This might be a little jumpy from subject to subject, but a lot has been brewing in my mind for the past month. It’s now 2012. For about 5 years we’ve ventured into the ‘let’s start a family!’ part of life. I guess most people who know us well, know that we were labeled having very low chances of ever conceiving without medical intervention. Intervention can mean many different things based on the underlying issues. With both pregnancies we lived in 2 week cycles, spent far too much money on tests(ovulation, pregnancy, sperm count/shape/movement, whatever else you can think of), did many many months of medicine ( far too many because I was crazy emotional enough as it was), and did try at IUI. We have two amazing children.

We had decided that if we ever did want more than 2 children, we were leaving out all of the interventions. If we were blessed with another child, we’d be thrilled. If we were not able to, we’d be thrilled with our 2. The road then got a little bumpy. The spina bifida test came back + on Lucy, her heart wasn’t showing 1 side clearly in the ultrasound when they were checking SB, the single artery cord issue, the pre-mature birth, the eclampsia & HELLP syndrome, and the 53 day NICU stay. We’re at the point, still, where we don’t want to take any more chances. We don’t want to be selfish. We have 2 children, and my risk of pre-e & hellp are very high. Yes, it can be caught because I will be monitored like a hawk. But there is no guarantee that it won’t happen as suddenly as it did this time. There is absolutely no guarantee that that baby will be able to stay to term, and we know ALL the odds a preemie has to overcome. And there is absolutely no guarantee that the magnesium will keep me from seizing if we’re in the same situation, and the doctor will be walking Luke into the hallway explaining the possible kidney, liver, & brain damage that I am experiencing again. So it looks, for now, that we are closing this chapter in life. And this leaves me so confused.

I’ve been in the Mom role for a little over 3 years. I had gotten into such a good routine with Landon. I LOVED spending my days with him. Then when I was pregnant with Lucy ( I love being pregnant, having an excuse for a belly, talking about the baby….) things were so exciting & Landon got to get in on the baby fun. Then all of a sudden I was mom to 2 & was in survival & keep my baby alive mode for 2 months. Then we were in bubble mode-- no germs, no visitors, no nothing until RSV season was over" in the spring we were able to breathe again! We’ve hit the 1 year mark, and I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s almost like we just are bringing home a new baby and trying to figure out the 2 kid thing. We take her out of her carrier in public, we can try the nursery ( Ok, Luke isn’t ok with either of those, but I’m trying to get him there!), she is mobile, she is starting to eat more solid foods, she drinks a sippy cup, and I‘m not nursing 4 times a day. I can have a regular life--no more ‘my baby was a preemie, BACK AWAY because we don‘t want to EVER go back into the hospital with this girlie!‘ I should be able to relax and take a deep breath right about now. But it is all new. I just have had SO many different roles over the past 14 months, and the one I am in now is the one I will be in for a long time. We have a different mindset than we have the past 5 years.It’s weird. It’s sad. I’m like having an identity crisis. Change is not my thing.

On the bright side, we’ve been so blessed in the past 18 months. Lucy doesn’t have spina bifida, the Doctor was able to clearly see both ventricles in her heart later on, she was born with no abnormalities from the single artery( and Dr. R was able to get her IV into her umbilical cord on the 1st try--he only had 1 chance with one artery), she had no ventilator, neither of us needed blood transfusions, I didn’t suffer brain damage to the point that my Dr was afraid of, my organs are all working, both of the holes closed in Lucy’s heart with no surgeries, she never was admitted to the ER with sickness the first year, and Lucy has overcome many odds that have been against her since the minute she was born! We have so much to be thankful for and to be happy about. We don’t question that God has a plan for every situation, every person, every trial in life. We don’t know why our outcome has been so lovely, and others we know has just been crappy. We hurt when our friends hurt. It makes me feel completely awful for getting depressed about difficulties and changes in our life when I know the trials others are facing. With as much as we have been blessed with, it makes me feel like I have no right to get hurt or upset about anything. But I do. Like I said, change is not my thing. When you see things like doctors working with a 15 ounce baby to parents planning a nursery and quickly planning a burial, it’s hard to believe your are important with the smaller issues that weigh you down.

So, even though there is sadness in a big chapter closing & figuring out what is next, we are so happy with all we have. We’ve just got to figure out how to be joyful & share our blessings in all we do. So for now I figure out how to do this 2 kid thing the best I can. Even though I don’t feel as though I have as much of a purpose as other times in my life --I‘m not fighting for anyone‘s life or trying to create one or teaching 26 3rd graders how to speak correct grammar & multiply-- I remember that I am a stay at home mom of 2 treasures. I might feel overworked, underpaid, & under loved, but I have been entrusted with 2 beautiful creations. (I still am baffled that I grew two humans inside of my body!) .This is what I am called to do right now.If my only job right now is to feed, bathe, clean, & play then I do it to His glory. And we'll try to remember no matter how small we feel or how small we feel our current problems might be, they are important. We've come to a new place in life ( literally, in a new place too), and will learn to love it!

Psalm 139 says He knows my every thought before I speak it--that God formed me in my mother’s womb & knows what each of my days holds. He goes before us and follows us & he places his hand of blessing on our heads.


Changing it up

...I'll be done soon. Ignore the weird stuff for now! I'm adding another page for Lucy's Love--the hats for the preemies. I'll add pictures as I work on more hats, pictures of babies if I ever get the chance to see them, and anything else about them!


My baby is growing up

Even though it has been a L O N G process, Lucy is making some progress! I fully believe that God knew exactly what he was doing when he decided that babies would develop and change so much in the first year and even first few months. The cuddly, snugly part of babyhood is great. Having a newborn isn't that bad of a gig. All they do is sleep and eat. Well, as long as you have one that sleeps good, and both of mine did. We had to wait for the go-ahead from doctors with both of mine before we quit waking them to feed them. Yes, I grow small babies. (They both left the hospital close to 5 pounds.) BUT  6+ months of caring for a child that still acts like a newborn is DRAINING! She found her feet at about 6 months, at least she then had something to play with ;)Finally after 10 1/2  months, Lucy started to sit up. As soon as she started to sit up, she began using her hands. Then she began crawling and keeps on progressing with her gross motor skills. So now ,at almost 13 months ( 10 1/2 months corrected), she is beginning to scoot around the couch holding on & letting go when she is standing up. 

The last month has been the most draining month in a while. We just need to get this little girl to eat some more real food. We're trying more table food each week with her, and having less gagging. Her OT and ST are going to watch her eat snacks on Tuesday. Her ST is going to look under her tongue because it looks weird to me, actually it looks cute. Everything about her mouth is cute and so girly.   =) She thinks she might have a tight frenulum. She is also thinking about getting her set up with an ENT to check out her allergies.
She DID decide she finally likes a sippy cup. She likes the straw the best. We have a lil' gripper from Playtex. It's a level 1, and she doesn't have to squeeze it at all with her mouth, just suck VERY lightly. She is more into water than juice. And after me being so drained, and her being 1 year old, she is now back to bottles. Yes, back to bottles. We aren't doing whole milk yet--most likely next month-- and she wasn't drinking a sippy yet. I NEVER NEVER wanted to pump at all with my 2nd baby. But it was my only choice, and I just wanted to get to only nursing. I wanted ONE thing to be normal about this birth. She just does a bottle in the morning and one in the afternoon, and hopefully we will be all sippy cup in a month!

Week one of getting ready for the half marathon is over! I ran outside today from the park down Southern Parkway & back and was FREEEEEZZIINNNGGG! I think 49 degrees is my limit for outside =)



Christmas Recap (mostly pictures)

Christmas Eve Candelight service with some of Cave Spring Methodist

My babies & me

Someone is comfy on the couch =)
Opening a few presents on Christmas Eve. Love these, Kirchners!

Christmas Eve presents
First Christmas together

Landon in his new ride, and Luke adding his gifts to the Jeep.