ExhAusTed!

We went to Christmas Eve service at 11 PM, and left a little before it was over right at midnight. We were trying to make it down to the hospital since we were already practically downtown. Landon was still awake at that point, and we only had about 10 minutes once we got there ( they close from 12:30-1:30). So we decided to take him in, wearing his Christmas jammies, and introduce him to Lucy. All the nurses on the way back said "Hi" to him, and he told them all " Baby LuLu". His LuLu still sounds more like doo doo though =)He was SO excited! He kept telling her to WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP, BABY! He wanted to get her paci and give it to her, we got him to blow her a lot of kisses, tell her that he loved her, and he kept saying she was cute. Of course then we still had a few things to do at home, and got to bed past 2 AM, and then I had to wake up at 7. I still physically feel like there is a newborn here because of the pumping--even though I get about 6 hours of sleep at night. Landon came home sleeping 4, but very shortly was at 6. It's draining. Plus the driving back and forth every day. We had to wake Landon and Elyssa up at 9 to open presents because we had to get ready and get where we needed to be the rest of the day. I think they would have slept much later.Landon would have probably slept till noon! After we opened presents, we had to rush to get to the hospital before they closed at 12:30. Of course we pulled in with only enough time for me to run milk in, and poor Landon cried "BABY" and tried to unbuckle his car seat because we had been telling him we were going to see Baby Lucy again. =( As it got closer to 1, I realized how dizzy I was getting & that my head was starting to hurt. Of course, it was time to take my 2nd blood pressure pill for the day, and I hadn't even taken it yet at all. This blood pressure thing is NOT my favorite. We met up with my sister to get my medicine, but the headache lingered the rest of the day. We had planned on getting back home from Luke's family's Christmas long before 5 so I could pump( once again, my life,yay!), Landon could get a good short nap in, and we could stop at the hospital and get just one family pic with Lucy out of her incubator wearing her Christmas outfit and bow. At that point my head was about to explode, Landon hadn't had a nap, and it was just 3 hours until his bedtime. aahhhh I hate when things get off schedule right now, not as we had them planned, and we don't get to fit things into the day that I want to. You think I'd learn by now, right?And my parents had already arrived at my house, we were still eating a Christmas dinner, and opening presents. But I just wanted to see my baby on Christmas and be able to hold her. Luke and I did eventually get back up there after 9ish, so Landon was asleep and didn't get to go with us. We weren't able to hold her that day either, but the pictures the nurses had taken did relax me, make me smile, and maybe shed a little tear.

The snow on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was awesome, but Luke and I both realized how we didn't even enjoy it like we normally would have. Everything was so rushed and hectic and stressful. I was beyond exhausted. And the cycle continued as we got to bed after 1 AM, and up again to do it all over again and head to church today! 

I did get a nap in today though, and I did get to rock with a little baby laying on my chest for about 20 minutes!  I needed that. I've held her about 3 times now, and she will be 2 weeks old tomorrow. Daddy will get her next time because he's only held her 1 time. If we knew she was going to be able to stay out so long, we would have shared. It was a nice surprise, and it felt great! I can't wait to bring her home and have her fall asleep on me, on OUR couch. She is still doing about the same as far as health. She is up to 22 CCs at every feeding, and her weight is right around 2 pounds 10 ounces. Her jaundice is still looking good, so she has been off of the lights for over a week now. We'll continue to pray that she stays healthy,keeps gaining weight, and continues to do well bringing herself back up on her own when her breathing and/or heart dip.

We took this picture tonight to remember how tiny her head is at almost 2 weeks. It's difficult to not be with her all day like we would if she was full term and at home with us. But we are very thankful that the NICU nurses are so friendly, personable, and try to create little scrapbook items for us to remember this time by. It's still crazy to think that someone else is really raising our child for us right now, several different nurses and doctors actually. I wish that Luke, Landon, and I could be the only voices she hears and knows for comfort, and we know she won't remember any of this, but it's just part of this process that isn't so easy. I think we're all doing great emotionally. We have our small moments, but we know that we can't change any of this, and there is no reason to dwell on the things that have happened. We are where we are, and can't do anything but move forward and try to stay happy! We've had unbelievable surprises of gifts & letters from friends far away. And we are SO VERY thankful for those! We've been so blessed and feel so loved in the past 2 weeks, and every bit of it has helped us get through. Our family has been great too, especially helping with Landon.