I'm still alive !

Well, I made it through the hills of Cherokee Park! I actually didn't run more than 8 miles when training . I , unfortunately , spoke too soon about getting through just ONE race healthy. Somehow I ended up with an incisional hernia on my c-section incision. My OB & my surgeon gave me the go ahead to run ; they just said it would hurt. I didn't train again after a painful 6,7,&8 mile run. I maybe did a few 3 mile runs, so I had no clue how much I would be able to get through. I made it 5 miles before I stopped at a port o potty. As my running pants came down over me, I had that horrible pain . It felt like thousands of needles sticking me at once :( 5 miles I ran & 8.1 I jogged or walked. But I finished. I got some great pizza & a cool medal afterwards .

I'm about 99% sure I won't be running anymore long distance , for fear I will rip this again. I do not want to have this surgery again ! The race was on October 25th , we had a week to finish getting costumes together ,& then I had surgery on November 6th. 

This was an incisional hernia repair with mesh. Basically the layer of tissues & fat between my skin & organs were coming apart where it was stitched up. It can happen for a number of reasons. I'm sure there were many factors as to why I had this issue, but can't say for sure why.  The surgeon opened me back up,  just like another c-section, checked all around for other damage, sewed the inside back up & added mesh to that layer before closing me up. 

For some reason , I'd convinced myself that it couldn't be worse than a c-section. I was wrong. Once I was up walking around after babies, I felt good & didn't have too much pain. Right now ,3 weeks after surgery , I can barely lay or sleep on my sides, I'm just now able to lift my left leg up to put pants on, I can't bend over,& I can't lay down with my knees bent for very long. There is a different pain , a pinch & poke & cramp , that's going on from my skin incision & down -from  thigh to thigh. The swelling is still going down , and the bruises are almost completely gone. 

There was an aspect I didn't even consider going into surgery. There's still a part of me that isn't FULLY ok with having no more babies. Luke doesn't like the chances of my health { or my hormonal craziness}. I was NOT ok knowing I'd have another csection. I did not want another spinal ( that spinal headache after Ella did me in), and I did not want to be cut open and have to recover again. But we just weren't for sure done. I even backed out of my tubal during Ella's delivery. So as I laid in my bed a few days after surgery, I realized really that I was recovering from a c-section. But there was no baby to snuggle. I could have done it again. So that really hit me that my body is done making babies. I won't be cut open again for a 5th time ( Lord willing the stitches & mesh do their job). So there was physical and emotional pain that I wasn't ready for or expecting. But I am still very thankful that I woke up from surgery-- that really was my ONLY fear!

We are almost to the other side now of recovery.Hopefully not too much longer until I'm back to normal , picking up my babies, and back at the gym!

Ellen had her red chairs in town the day of surgery . Nashville was the first stop of her chairs' trip,& you had to find them and take a picture in them. I made Luke stop on the way home so I could try to win tickets. I tweeted that my nurse anesthetist told me that she was sending me to the Bahamas,& she lied . I needed an LA trip. Unfortunately she had no sympathy & did not pick me. But I was drugged up enough to tweet & IG this picture. #winning