It's been a long week.....that means a long post!

I guess it is already another Saturday, 10 days since the last post, Luke's birthday is next week, and it's almost Halloween! I'm not gonna lie,the last two weeks were pretty long. After my appointment on the 8th, we all headed down to Nashville for the day and night to visit Luke's mom in the hospital. Luke brought the kids and me back Tuesday, and he rode back down by himself. He didn't really have a plan as to how long he would stay, it just depended on the situation as it unraveled. He ended up staying with his family until Friday or Saturday (it was a long blur of a week). He was able to go with his dad to the doctor, visit and sit with his mom, and talk with his family. His mom passed away Thursday around midnight, and the family all went back up to be together for a few hours. They had to meet at the funeral home Friday afternoon to get all the services planned out. By the time he went back to his dad's house it got too late for Luke to drive home. I guess it was Saturday when he came home, later in the afternoon. 

We knew the times and dates for the services, so Luke went into work for a few hours on Sunday. The plan was for him to go to work for a few hours Monday, and then we'd head down to Nashville Monday evening. He didn't make it into work that day, so we drove on down late in the afternoon, and tried to get ready for a long 2 days. We went to his dad's house, ate supper, hung out, and then headed over to stay with his best friend and wife. The visitation was all day Tuesday, starting at 11AM for family. We actually didn't pull out of the parking lot until after 8:40 PM.  We kept the kids with us until around 3, and I took them over to a friends' house. THANKS Ethridges!  Sorry for the mess and hassle of an exploding diaper in your child's bed. Even not being a blood relative was emotionally draining and tiring.  I can't imagine the feelings and emotions of Luke's 5 siblings and father and himself. It was good to see so many faces from Luke's childhood--church, baseball teams, high school friends-- and from college and our years in Nashville. His aunts and uncles and some cousins were in from Millington, Memphis, & Dickson, TN and California, Georgia, and Louisiana. There was a lot of support, and I am thankful Luke has had so much support from these people. There are people in your life who you KNOW would be there at a time like this, even friends' parents from when you were 11 years old, and they were all there at the visitation or funeral. Even the friends who are across the country sent emails and cards to let him know they were thinking and praying for him.  

I'm not sure if Luke slept any Tuesday night, and he was up & showered before me on Wednesday morning. The funeral was at his parents' church, and the burial was at Middle Tennessee Veterans Cemetery. It was a long drive going 25 MPH on back-roads  but the trees and the hills were amazing for the drive out. The service there was just a few short minutes, they then took the casket and did the burial while we got to talk for about 30 minutes, and then told us when it was completed. We were all able to then go out to the grave. We sang another song outside & gave people a chance to share anything they wanted.  We drove back to the church to eat lunch with the family, and then headed back to Louisville. 

Luke doesn't get much sleep as it is, 4-5ish hours a night maybe,but I really don't know how much sleep he has gotten in the past 2 weeks. And he came back to messes at work that he has to deal with now. We went on Landon's field trip Thursday morning, and then he went into work in the evening, Friday, and today. He'll be back at work tomorrow to finish out the work week. Hopefully next week will be better!

HOWELL, Teddie Jean "Miss Teddi"Age 67 of Nashville, TN. Passed away October 12, 2012. The daughter of the late Carl F. and Ina Brasher Douse and was born October 3, 1945 in San Diego. She lived in Nashville 42 years and was a faithful member of the Crieve Hall Church of Christ. Miss Teddi worked 21 years for the Crieve Hall Preschool. She was also a foster parent to 35 foster children for Agape for over 16 years. She is survived by her husband of 44 years, Bruce D. Howell and six children, Christy (John) Kirchner, Robert (Stacy) Howell, Mindy (Jeff) Black, Jeff (Kim) Howell, Luke (Emily) Howell and Chris Howell; she is "Goodmama" to 9 grandchildren, Carmen, Marlo & Violet Black, Jay & Mason Kirchner, Brynne & Garrett Howell, Landon & Lucy Howell; sister, Merrily Welden; brother, Richard T. (Tammy) Douse and many nieces, nephews and cousins. Visitation will be Tuesday, October 16, 2012, from 12-8 p.m. at Woodbine Funeral Home, Hickory Chapel, 5852 Nolensville Road and Wednesday from 9:30-10:30 a.m. at the church. Funeral services will be conducted Wednesday, October 17, 2012, at Crieve Hall Church of Christ, 4806 Trousdale Dr., at 10:30 a.m. Interment Middle Tennessee Veterans Cemetery. Memorial contributions may be made to Crieve Hall Preschool c/o Jody Hupka or Camp Kalos c/o of Crieve Hall Church of Christ

I will add some  pictures from the field trip. I'll wait until later to add our family/maternity    pictures and my last 3 belly pictures.

                                         Happy Fall!

Life these days

We’ve been down a little lately, well, I guess I have been a little down about the chapter in our life that is closing. This might be a little jumpy from subject to subject, but a lot has been brewing in my mind for the past month. It’s now 2012. For about 5 years we’ve ventured into the ‘let’s start a family!’ part of life. I guess most people who know us well, know that we were labeled having very low chances of ever conceiving without medical intervention. Intervention can mean many different things based on the underlying issues. With both pregnancies we lived in 2 week cycles, spent far too much money on tests(ovulation, pregnancy, sperm count/shape/movement, whatever else you can think of), did many many months of medicine ( far too many because I was crazy emotional enough as it was), and did try at IUI. We have two amazing children.

We had decided that if we ever did want more than 2 children, we were leaving out all of the interventions. If we were blessed with another child, we’d be thrilled. If we were not able to, we’d be thrilled with our 2. The road then got a little bumpy. The spina bifida test came back + on Lucy, her heart wasn’t showing 1 side clearly in the ultrasound when they were checking SB, the single artery cord issue, the pre-mature birth, the eclampsia & HELLP syndrome, and the 53 day NICU stay. We’re at the point, still, where we don’t want to take any more chances. We don’t want to be selfish. We have 2 children, and my risk of pre-e & hellp are very high. Yes, it can be caught because I will be monitored like a hawk. But there is no guarantee that it won’t happen as suddenly as it did this time. There is absolutely no guarantee that that baby will be able to stay to term, and we know ALL the odds a preemie has to overcome. And there is absolutely no guarantee that the magnesium will keep me from seizing if we’re in the same situation, and the doctor will be walking Luke into the hallway explaining the possible kidney, liver, & brain damage that I am experiencing again. So it looks, for now, that we are closing this chapter in life. And this leaves me so confused.

I’ve been in the Mom role for a little over 3 years. I had gotten into such a good routine with Landon. I LOVED spending my days with him. Then when I was pregnant with Lucy ( I love being pregnant, having an excuse for a belly, talking about the baby….) things were so exciting & Landon got to get in on the baby fun. Then all of a sudden I was mom to 2 & was in survival & keep my baby alive mode for 2 months. Then we were in bubble mode-- no germs, no visitors, no nothing until RSV season was over" in the spring we were able to breathe again! We’ve hit the 1 year mark, and I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s almost like we just are bringing home a new baby and trying to figure out the 2 kid thing. We take her out of her carrier in public, we can try the nursery ( Ok, Luke isn’t ok with either of those, but I’m trying to get him there!), she is mobile, she is starting to eat more solid foods, she drinks a sippy cup, and I‘m not nursing 4 times a day. I can have a regular life--no more ‘my baby was a preemie, BACK AWAY because we don‘t want to EVER go back into the hospital with this girlie!‘ I should be able to relax and take a deep breath right about now. But it is all new. I just have had SO many different roles over the past 14 months, and the one I am in now is the one I will be in for a long time. We have a different mindset than we have the past 5 years.It’s weird. It’s sad. I’m like having an identity crisis. Change is not my thing.

On the bright side, we’ve been so blessed in the past 18 months. Lucy doesn’t have spina bifida, the Doctor was able to clearly see both ventricles in her heart later on, she was born with no abnormalities from the single artery( and Dr. R was able to get her IV into her umbilical cord on the 1st try--he only had 1 chance with one artery), she had no ventilator, neither of us needed blood transfusions, I didn’t suffer brain damage to the point that my Dr was afraid of, my organs are all working, both of the holes closed in Lucy’s heart with no surgeries, she never was admitted to the ER with sickness the first year, and Lucy has overcome many odds that have been against her since the minute she was born! We have so much to be thankful for and to be happy about. We don’t question that God has a plan for every situation, every person, every trial in life. We don’t know why our outcome has been so lovely, and others we know has just been crappy. We hurt when our friends hurt. It makes me feel completely awful for getting depressed about difficulties and changes in our life when I know the trials others are facing. With as much as we have been blessed with, it makes me feel like I have no right to get hurt or upset about anything. But I do. Like I said, change is not my thing. When you see things like doctors working with a 15 ounce baby to parents planning a nursery and quickly planning a burial, it’s hard to believe your are important with the smaller issues that weigh you down.

So, even though there is sadness in a big chapter closing & figuring out what is next, we are so happy with all we have. We’ve just got to figure out how to be joyful & share our blessings in all we do. So for now I figure out how to do this 2 kid thing the best I can. Even though I don’t feel as though I have as much of a purpose as other times in my life --I‘m not fighting for anyone‘s life or trying to create one or teaching 26 3rd graders how to speak correct grammar & multiply-- I remember that I am a stay at home mom of 2 treasures. I might feel overworked, underpaid, & under loved, but I have been entrusted with 2 beautiful creations. (I still am baffled that I grew two humans inside of my body!) .This is what I am called to do right now.If my only job right now is to feed, bathe, clean, & play then I do it to His glory. And we'll try to remember no matter how small we feel or how small we feel our current problems might be, they are important. We've come to a new place in life ( literally, in a new place too), and will learn to love it!

Psalm 139 says He knows my every thought before I speak it--that God formed me in my mother’s womb & knows what each of my days holds. He goes before us and follows us & he places his hand of blessing on our heads.

Lucy Emilia Howell

I will just start by copying and pasting an e-mail I sent out to the SS class. I might be able to go into details later, or maybe not. But I will be able to add more blogs as we continue on the journey and visit and help Lucy grow! Please keep the family in your prayers, it is greaty appreciated!

I'm trying to reply to everyone with this email, and wrap up the last 5 days! Thank you for you thoughts and prayers, it's been a tough time, and I feel we still have a long road ahead. Lucy Emilia Howell was born on Monday as you know from the e-mail. She was almost 30 weeks. There was not anything wrong with her that caused the delivery. I had pre-eclamtic symptoms, and blood test showed I had HELLP syndrome.The only answer is to deliver the baby, and the only time we had was for a repeat c-section. She was delivered, and was healthy and great. I was put on magnesium to try to help me. I don't really know what happened what day after that. I remember moments and feelings before I had my seizure, but that is all. After I had the seizure, I was considered full blown eclamptic. HELLP has to do with elevated liver enzymes and low platelet counts. I was told an average liver count is around 35, and mine was about 600 when I checked in--I'm under the impression it doesn't go any higher than that. Normal platelet count is around over 100,000, and mine was around 25,000 which is considered severe. My blood was taken over and over to monitor my counts, and they did continue to raise/lower the correct way. I was kept in the same room until the Dr.s were comftorable with the direction the levels were going. I saw some visitors and felt GREAT, and was ready to eat and move rooms. I think I moved to a regular recovery room Thursday. Then everything hit me at once, and I couldn't relax my mind. I got to feeling dizzy, about to pass out, anxiety, and needed help by several nurses to move and get up and down. They then put me on another blood pressure medicine, and also a medicine to get water in and out of me that I was holding. Thursday and Friday were very tough mentally--I had to learn to not associate certain physical feelings with anything that had just happened to me. Today was hard to undertand I'd be OK at home, and not overwhelemed. I got to actually hold Lucy today--and wasn't expecting to for at least a week. For me, I haven't been worried about her at all, my main worries were acutally my life itself. I guess all of this is to say what I'd like prayer for! At this point, I need mental peace most of all. Physically I feel good, except for a small headahce and side effects of BP still up.Peace of mind that I am OK, and for my mind not to wander and worry, is the biggest issue I am facing as of now. I know somewhere soon it will hit me that I am at home, and have a 2 pound baby at the hospital. But she is doing so much better that I'd ever thought, and progressing SO WELL. Her food is increasing ( by feeding tube), her jaundice levels are lowering, her IV fluids are way down. She tolerated 20 minutes out of her isolet today, and did great. We will continue to visit and take her milk to her often. Landon will be going to KY for a few days with my family to give us a few days to get things in a routine as well as we can. I will try to keep up with our blog, and will put most of this on there. Thanks for listening. I'm not writing this for any type of sympathy, just so you know what direction you can pray! It is appreciated, and I hope this isn't jumbled and makes sense.I'll try to add a picutre =)

28 weeks and growing

Today was the 28 week appointment for baby Lucy. We had an ultrasound first to check-up on her bowels. They are able to digest more things now(the blood that was causing them to be bright white), and are looking great. So no complications from the bowels! They measured everything else that I'm assuming would be a red flag from the 2 vessel cord. Everything looks good and healthy, but she is measuring about 2 weeks behind. She seems to be tiny like her brother. Part of this ,my Dr. said, is because Landon was a small baby also, so she will probably be smaller, and when you have the cord issue, there are some cases where it does cause the baby to not get all the nutrients it needs to grow fully. She is right at the 21% right now for 28 weeks, and I remember that Landon was around 40% when we had a late ultrasound. And he ended up being 5 pound 10 ounces. So it seems she will be teeny tiny.

We finally got to see her face too! I took a picture of this one with my phone. I'll have to scan it later on because it is a good picture of her. She said that since I'll most likely be back a few more times, she will try to get one again without her hand over her face.

She is a VERY active baby, and as long as she is still moving, she is doing good. We will have another ultrasound (or a few) to make sure that her growth does not stop at any point. I didn't really ask where we go from there, because I'm assuming we would deliver. I didn't ask either what the chances still are of going VBAC, because I know he isn't going to induce after my previous c-section, and I'm just going to go ahead and guess we will take her early, and it will be a c-section. We go back in 3 weeks, and I will have more questions ready then. Not that I didn't have questions ready--I was just in shock  from my weight gain, that they were consoling me with Kleenexes, and assuring me that my weight and my baby are fine =) What a start to a gloomy, cold, rainy day! 
I'm not going to worry about the weight, it seems no matter what or how you go about it, your body gains what it gains. And really, you can't control it. I knew it was part of it when I signed up for baby #2, and there are plenty of people who would gladly gain 50 pounds if they had the chance to conceive.So if I'm a fatty again, I'll just be a fatty. And at least now I know WHAT I need to do to get rid of it! Even if it means training for another half marathon ( ugh, not what I want to think about right now!) I might as well take full advantage of leaving my kids in the Y for 2 hours a day by getting in a good workout, showering, and getting ready alone without worrying about a crying child. I'll bask in the 2 weeks of nothingness after I have her, and hopefully get to walking with her on the track & letting Landon play in the Y nursery.

On another note, we got our tree up this week. We're not putting the 2nd one upstairs. We have moved the guest bed up there by the window where the tree usually sits. I tried to convince Luke to put it in our room, but I know that means I have to put it up and take it down. And.....I'll pass this year!

4 days until Landon's 2nd birthday!!!!!

What a fast week!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29:11

This week has gone by so quickly! I can't believe it's almost Friday already. We have spent a lot of time in the pool this week soaking up the sun. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner have almost all been on the deck this week. Even though it's like 99 degrees outside, it feels great to be out! In the morning it isn't SO BAD, and at lunchtime, I'm still wanting some sun from just getting out of the pool. I'm also trying to get some color on my pasty boy =)

We also decided to paint the guest room, finally, and re- arrange it. I like it MUCH better than ' Atlanta Braves Blue' that was in there. It's now 'toasted coconut'. Yes, you must be a food name to be a color in our house: melted chocolate, peanut butter, bavarian creme, and now toasted coconut! Our house is not all browns/tans though. The toasted coconut was in the orange family actually, our room is a light blueish tealish, one of the bathrooms is bright green, and Landon's room is tan with a turquoise on one wall. we'll eventually paint an accent wall in the guest room too.

We are so happy with life right now. Although the one income thing is tough, especially when we get a little crazy and eat out a few times in a month, we feel so blessed! I love raising Landon, and being with him every day. Even through all of the hard times, we come out alright, and know that we are taken care of. We are just enjoying all of our family time-summer is SO good for that--and are thankful for all of our blessings!