Update Overload

It's been a while since I've blogged! A lot has been going on around our house. Luke has been unemployed for about the past 9 weeks , so the house has been full and busy and messy and un-structured and messy. He's finally back, and I actually have time to sit and write!
The March of Dimes was a success! We always have so many friends reach out and donate to this cause. They understand how much it means to us and how much the preemie world means to us. We had plenty of friends buy T-shirts, and we had some friends and family come walk with us! I'll dump some pictures now :

There was a special area in the family area call the Path of Hope. Families could donate $25 towards the walk & get a sign with their child(ren)'s name and picture and birth details. Some were in memory, some were in honor of the child itself, and some were pictures of their children in honor of family who had been in the NICU. It was a neat addition this year! Lucy and Landon loved to see Lucy's picture. We should have added Landon & Ella to it also, but it slipped our mind to even donate until after the deadline. We were able to still be included though =)

We got there early to help set up the family area, so we got to enjoy all the games before anyone really got there! No lines and a lot of fun!

She ran so fast to Elsa and Ana!

Princess crown, of course!

Our Team Lucy Loo picture ( minus 3). One day I hope that we can be one of the large teams! I think being able to see all the families, kids and babies, shirts in memory of babies, and people supporting others is AMAZING! I feel like crying the whole time we are there.

Landon & Jay. Their daddies played college baseball together and they have moved back from St Louis! They've actually been back a year but are moving SUPER CLOSE next weekend!

We loved the new location this year! We still have (all 3 years) ended up in the VERY BACK. It's way too crowded with all the people up front. Plus we walk and talk and take our time....and we had a lot of kids walking.

Lucy's friend Lexi ( and her mom and sister ) came too!

Landon said he was TIRED OUT!

Lucy passed out within minutes of getting into the car.

 

My individual goal for the walk was $325. Thanks to all our wonderful friends and family, we hit $453! Somehow the team goal was set at $600. Team Lucy Loo ended up raising $703!

We ended up doing 1 fundraiser with Funky Munky shaved ice.........and it was about 53 degrees that day! We were at a college campus in the middle of thousands of teens. So as soon as the truck pulled up , they wanted to spend their money. We are planning on teaming with them every year at the same event, hopefully next year it'll be in the 70's! We also had a big donation from a food truck here in Nashville-- Hoss' Loaded Burgers ! Check them out when you get a chance!

 

This year the MOD had a campaign called 'be your best for babies'. The family who had the greatest % increase from their best year is going to be featured on the MOD Christmas card. Team Lucy Loo did increase by 36%! Thank you for that. I don't think we will ever be a top fundraiser team, as you can see below the top team here has raised $53,115!!!!

 

Maybe next year I can have a little better success with business donations and sponsorships! And our goal will be to have at least 20 walkers come out and enjoy the day with us! The goal I sent in on our paper was 14 walkers, and we had 15 people out to support the March of Dimes.

If you know of a company that might be interested next year, let me know!

 

4th Trimester Bodies

If you're my Facebook friend, you might have seen the new profile picture I put up yesterday.

 I think this might be my most liked photo--other than a newborn baby or Lucy news. I guess I just wear my hair up too much ;) I did not post anything else about the photo, but I did on IG. There is no way to click on a link on IG ( besides in your bio), so I thought I would explain the picture here.

 

If you're on Facebook, you might  have seen recently some articles floating around that talking about the 4th Trimester Bodies Project. The latest, that brought over 10,000 new fans to the Facebook page was on Upworthy:

http://www.upworthy.com/want-an-honest-look-at-how-motherhood-changes-womens-bodies-here-you-go-5

 

A few from Huffpost:

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/16/4th-trimester-bodies-project-ashlee-wells-jackson_n_3757793.html

 

http://videos.huffingtonpost.com/healthy-living/the-4th-trimester-bodies-project-518029184

 

http://videos.huffingtonpost.com/4th-trimester-bodies-project-517938261

 

Others:

GMA

TODAY

 

 

If you go to the 4th trimester Bodies web site, you can read the entire reason behind the project and a good background to the photographer behind it.

" The project exists because women are judged too crudely on the way we look and are often told we don’t measure up. Because no real person can compete with the tools in Photoshop and glossy magazine covers. And because motherhood is sacred and should be celebrated. This project exists because sometimes babies are born too soon. Because sometimes babies die. Because sometimes the best laid birth plans and the reality of our births are two very different things. And because sometimes they are everything we dreamed just the same. Because regardless of how our babies get here we should be proud and, regardless of how we choose to feed them, we should be able to feed them where we choose whenever they are hungry. This project exists because women and men and society need it. Because our sons and daughters deserve more. Because we deserve more. Because we are beautiful – stretches, stripes, scars and all"-- Ashlee Wells Jackson

 

Ashlee's story brings me to tears & she is completing this project--which will be a series of books-- along with being a mother & running a photography studio full time. There was a quote by Jacob Needleman in church Sunday that made me think of the project "human beings were built to give. To put it in the most extreme form, we’re built to love and serve something greater than ourselves, whether it’s other people, something you call God, or whether it’s justice. Until we are finding our way to give, there will be no happiness or meaning."

 

I actually was chosen for a scholarship position for a shoot in Atlanta. She is currently traveling around the world with Laura, shooting moms, getting stories, and gearing up to publish the first book. I had read about the project last year sometime, and had been following along on Facebook. I saw that Nashville was on the schedule, but not until 2015, and totally assumed it would be impossible by then to buy a shoot before it sells out. This was something I wanted to be a part of--for me and for other women. So I decided to send an email about my babies, my body, and my story to try to get a scholarship shoot. I got an email back that I was chosen! Luke just happened to be off on Friday so we took a little day trip with the kids and had a great time! I might have been sick to my stomach the entire week before and nervous as I've ever been, but the minute we got there we felt so comfortable with Ashlee.

We started with some light make-up and curlers in the hair, then took a few head shots, had an interview on camera, and then took some pictures with the girls. After the shoot was over, Luke and I got into more and more and more detail about the births-- he said I gave a very mild story on the video. But when's the last time you sat in front of a camera and talked about yourself? While we were talking, Ashlee uploaded the photos onto her computer, picked her favorite shots, I looked them over & we decided on our favorite. There is absolutely no photo shopping done to any of her pictures. As soon as we decided on the one we were most comfortable with, she added the black & white( not sure of the technical term), and by the time we had left and gotten to eat Mexican and head home, it was up on her site.

 

So, here's my picture! I didn't post it on IG because I was hoping that people would go to the website or Facebook page and see what it's all about, and not just comment or 'like' my photo.

http://4thtrimesterbodies.com/emily-howell/

 

 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ella in this picture. I love how Lucy is looking at her. I just love it. And I can't wait to blow it up and hang it in our bathroom. We've had 2 screw in the wall where we had a picture before we moved, and didn't know what to put there.

So , just in case you see another story floating around ( Oprah's 'O' Magazine in May) on Facebook or twitter and think that baby looks familiar, it might just be who you think it is! We had an amazing experience, and I can't wait until the book comes out as well. She has said that what's online right now is just a teaser as to what will actually be in the book. The plan was to self-publish, but as of now are talking to publishers.

So go check out her website & the Facebook page. Check out my tiny contribution to the project of my story & the photo { that I LOVE} of me & the girls! I can't wait to see where the project goes & am thrilled I was able to be a part in helping others.

 

February 3rd

Just 3 years ago, after 53 days in the NICU, we brought Lucy home from the hospital. I try to remember that day each year. I think it is important to remember all that we've been blessed with and how far Lucy has come. We haven't faced too many obstacles along with way, but if you would have talked to me while my baby was living at Baptist Hospital, my fears were all over the place. Would she have issues learning? Would she be able to walk? Will the holes in her heart close up? Will she ever make it a day without forgetting to breathe? What therapies will she need? Will she have brain issues from oxygen? Will she have vision issues from oxygen? Will she know I'm her mommy? What disabilities will she have? Will she ever be able to breastfeed? Will she have a g tube? What If she gets RSV? Will her ultrasounds come back showing a brain bleed? Will she hate me when she gets older if she gets made fun of for her disabilities? Will she wear a helmet? Any fear you can think someone will have about their baby, I thought it. If you know Lucy now, you know she is amazing........and she tries my patience every day especially since she is 16 3 now. I remember every prayer I said over this baby in the hospital and at home--mostly about all those fears running through my head. I'm so proud of her !

Looking back at my baby:

 

Lucy's half of the room while we roomed in the night before we brought her home, and Luke fixing our 'bed'. Lucy slept the night away, I pumped, worried, and did not sleep =)

 

 After 53 days at the hospital, & 19 days before her due date she was ready to go home!

 

Last time through those doors!

Home together!

 

First day at home, slept the day away just like in the hospital! She slept the majority of the next few weeks.

 

1 year later! If you can't eat cake on your birthday, you celebrate on the day you came home!

2 years later =)

All grown up, walking, running, talking, eating, counting, singing, dancing,laughing, acting 16, and sledding for the first time! 3 years after discharge.

 

 



WE HAVE A THREE YEAR OLD!

Oh sweet Lucy, how much you have changed in the past year. Little by little I've seen worries and fears, that I've had since you worn born, fade away. Your 3 year old check-up last week was the first one we've been to where everything was perfect! Nothing was growing too big, nothing was too little, and there were no developmental delays still showing. Your percentages in height and weight are COMPLETELY average, right under 50%! Mommy has been crying all week. I've been thinking about the day you were born. I've been thinking about ringing the bell to get to see you everyday, and then scrubbing in, and then walking to your bedside. I missed you so much, and just wanted you home with us. I still sometimes get so sad when I think about you not being in our home for almost 8 weeks. I never realized what all I missed out on until I had Ella and got to cuddle and snuggle with her all day long. I love that you snuggle with me every night now. I love that you ask me to rock you. I love that you can just sit still and be with me now. I love that you can talk. I love that you can eat food. I love that you love make-up ( even if you continue to sneak in and ruin mine). I love how you say things are gorgeous and beautiful. I love your voice. I love your soft hair. I love your long little fingers. You are getting such a personality! You love to make up jokes, and the answer is always ' Because he ate baby food'. You are so cute. You are so smart. You love to mimic Landon word for word just about EVERYTHING he says or sings. You love to dance with mommy. You love to play with your babies and animals in your bed. I love how you line them up on your crib rail and make-believe with them. I don't know how you actually fit into your bed because you have so many animals in there! Right now, you love to have your Ariel blanket draped over your bed as a tent. I love getting it ready every nap and bed time. You are an amazing baby girl. You are my baby girl. I am forever grateful for you. I am forever grateful for everyone who loved on us and prayed for you after you were born. I'm so thankful you get to be a big sister. You love Ella so much. You are starting to have friends, and love to play with them. You love to give hugs. I love to watch your eyes light up when you get excited. I love the crazy face you make when you scrunch up one side of your nose and squint that one eye. You make us laugh. You are so sneaky, even when we are watching you, you pretend that we can't see you. You currently are going to marry Holden {at the Y} and Lincoln {at our farm}. We will figure that one out later ;) I love you. More than you will know. You have taught us so many things in the past 3 years. You are amazing. I'm trying my best, and will continue to get better at being your mommy. I will keep trying to see the good, and forget about any bad that we've been through. I will continue to give thanks for answers to the prayers I said over and over before I laid you in bed every night. I have never felt so strongly as I do about never wanting anything bad to ever happen to you. I will do everything I can to protect you. I'm so proud of you. You are becoming an incredible little lady ( but when I call you little lady, you state I AM NOT LITTLE LADY,  I AM LUCY!) You love to help. I can't wait to see how you will bless others as you grow. I know you will do great things! You are so sweet. You make my heart happy. I am so in love with you. I don't know what I would do without you. You are truly a miracle. Please stay little, and don't grow up too quickly.

I love you, Emmy Loo!

 

 

 

Bedtime

There's only 1 of me most nights at bedtime. Luke is away a minimum of 65 hours a week at work and including travel time to and from work. Especially now, with me working a few hours a week at the farm, he has to close more nights a week. I just don't have the patience or hands to have a good bed time routine with all three. Ella is still nursing right  before she heads off to bed on most days. She is very distract able. I put Lucy's pajamas on her, and put her in her bed to read. I then send Landon to get himself ready for bed, and then he usually can sit in my bed or on the couch and watch a show after he has gotten the rest of the toys put away. He loves helping put those last few toys away that Lucy missed; he  knows he is staying up later, and he thinks he is big stuff. I get Ella ready for bed, feed her, send Landon to his room, and then stick Ella in her bed to fall asleep if she hasn't already. Landon waits in his bed for me. Tonight Lucy was SCREAMING TAGGIES ARE IN THE CAR!TAGGIES ARE IN THE CAR! She had taken her tag blanket with use earlier to the post office, and was just devastated that they were still in the car. I sent Landon to tell her to be quiet two times while I was feeding Ella  ( and she was trying to drift off to sleep), but she was not having any part of me forgetting about her blanket in the car. By the time I got back to her room, turned their light off, and got Ella into her bed, I told Lucy just to lay down & I'd go get them. When I came back in, I just threw them into her bed & told her sweet dreams. I whispered into Landon's room as I passed by, and headed straight to get the clothes out of the dryer, move the wash over, and vacuum the living room. Then I turned off the vacuum and went straight back to Lucy's room. I just needed to hug her and rock her before she went to sleep. I sat down & just started to cry .FLASHBACK to New Years day--18 days old:

Oh I just see that tiny body and long head with tubes when I hold her sometimes in the rocking chair. Sometimes I'm stuck mentally in the WHAT IFs still. I just know something else is going to pop up. I just know everything really isn't fine. I just know once she starts school we will see more things showing up. The part of this that Luke doesn't understand is the part of me that was intended to hold that baby, grow that baby, provide a safe place for up to 42 weeks--that part of me failed. Whether I had any control over it or not, I will always feel like whatever comes from the 29 week birth will always come back to me. My first thoughts when visiting her for the first time ( that stick with me) were that I had no clue what would come of this. And if my poor baby had a disability, a delay, any problem, and someone were to make fun of her for it, I would just want to die. My poor baby had no choice, it was my body. She didn't deserve any pain--physical or emotional--and I hated that it wasn't her fault.

I look at her now, and I just cry thinking back. The first 2 years were HARD. But she is doing great. She is wonderful. She is smart. I tell her every day that she is not allowed to turn 3 in a few months! She is too sweet right now at 2, and I don't ever want her to grow up!

I want to be able to rock my babies EVERY night. I want to read them all books and sing to all of them and lay with them in their bed or crib. Some nights I just don't.

Tonight I am glad I did. And tonight I am so thankful that I don't have to wait on someone to get my baby out of her bed. I'm so thankful that I can hold her whenever I want and for however long I want. I'm so thankful that I'm not worrying about oxygen tubes being kinked. I am so thankful for my Lucy!

Team Lucy Loo

The March for Babies walk was great! The weather felt wonderful, we had friends and family walk with us, we met our personal goal ( though it was small), we exceeded our team goal, we had PRETTY t-shirts,  the kids had a blast, and we all got a little sun!

 

We like to play around with the new computer. These actually pop up on our heads while we're taking the pictures. She loves it.

 

 

Last year was hard, being 9 weeks pregnant, and not knowing what to expect out of the pregnancy. We were praying for a safe delivery and a healthy baby.

I still am glad I can wear sunglasses as I walk past the incubator they have sitting out by the Vandy ambulance. I can't look at that thing without tearing up. I chose not to walk into the ambulance they had sitting out last year, as did Luke.  Maybe some people are stronger. Some things I'd just not like to relive, and some things I don't want to imagine.

I will have more pictures later on. I had my camera ready. I had the battery ready. But we left the battery in the car, and I didn't want to go back and get it. My Iphone won't take any more pictures. I really need to save them all to the computer and print them, but I just haven't made time to do that yet. So I used my sister's camera. One of my former students ( whom is a freshman now) walked with us, took some phone pics, and facebook messaged them to me ;)

 

The toddler size shirts didn't come in the same color as ours, so they had baby pink. And of course, you can't read it on here ;) And I promise her little skirt looked better in person. I had planned on making a pettiskirt--a SUPER full one. Then I got scared. Then I planned on ordering one. Then I ran out of time. So I just ruffled/gathered some glitter tulle ( OH MY GOODNESS. GLITTER EVERYWHERE), then sewed it onto an old skirt she had. I folded each row over to make it fuller. You just can't really tell here.

Princesses at the walk! Yes, I also tried to give her some neon pink tights to throw in the neon pink to her outfit. Then I had to make her a bow with the baby pink, neon pink, and purple. And her new neon shoes went with it all.  Ha

Can you tell it was a long day? She stayed up until after midnight waiting on her aunt the night before ,and woke up at 7 AM on Sunday morning. This was after 4 pm on the way home from the park.

Thanks again for all of the donations towards the walk. This is something so very important to me. It feels good to know there are people who understand that and are supportive! I wish I could be one of the top walking teams raising thousands of dollars and recruiting 20+ walkers to wear our team Lucy Loo shirts. We are so thankful for this baby. We are so happy to have her with us. Maybe one year.....

 

These were the team t-shirts. The front said "And though she be but little, she is fierce", and the back had the team name and Lucy's footprints. I used some of her actual footprints from the NICU ( they are blown up of course), and loved it! The shirts matched my new sunglasses, which I will need to take with me tomorrow. To the beach. With no kids.

I'll go cry now because I'll miss my sweet little baby Ella. First time to be away from her for more than about 2 hours. oh my...