HOLY MOLY

Yep, 17 weeks into baby #3( well, Wednesday will be 17). If you know us well, you know we went through over a year of fertility and insemination with both other kiddos. You also know Lucy was born at 29 weeks and 5 days and spent 53 days in the NICU. You might also remember she came due to my sudden PIH,Pre- eclampsia, HELLP syndrome, & seizure. With those factors added together, we had decided we had taken enough chances, been pushed to our limits mentally, gotten as far as we ever wanted my body to go before stroke or brain damage or death, and just did not want to risk anything else with future pregnancies. Or at least we weren't ready to deal with it all yet. The anxiety and stress and depression is still all very fresh. I told my doctor in Nashville that I didn't think I'd be able to mentally handle another pregnancy. I had no idea what was going to happen, even the following 24 hours after surgery up until I had my seizure and the room was packed with doctors and nurses, I did not know the risks of what was going on. I know now. I know how close we got. I know what could possibly happen. I know that I am considered very high risk. I know that there is a great chance of things happening again. He looked at me and nodded and shook his head and assured me that THAT would just be the beginning of my worries--the mental part.

We didn't find out until I was about 6ish weeks along. If you've ever had an unplanned pregnancy, it's rough. It's completely opposite of what we've ever dealt with. If you're going through infertility or can't conceive, you might not want to read this.

We aren't ungrateful for this gift. We thought maybe 5 years down the road, we'd THINK about it. I didn't really know if it would get past thinking. I had a very difficult time when I had her thinking my chances were taken away. It wasn't fair. Why was it chosen for me that I couldn't have more kids? I wanted to be able to make that choice. One of the first High Risk Doctors that came in the following days sat down on my bed first thing and said " I just want you to know this doesn't mean you can't ever have more kids". But to me, there was NO question. I had a 2 pound baby. the worries and fears for her life were overwhelming, and I was not even thinking about her at the time because I had no clue what her chances even were. My mind was racing over what these doctors kept telling me. They had been worried about brain damage from the seizure and oxygen loss. They at one point weren't sure I'd ever pull that mask off my face & talk to them. They had no clue why things happened the way they did.

If the pregnancy hadn't happened this way, we might not have a baby #3. We ARE thankful. We ARE blessed. We have an opportunity to do something 3 times that some never get to do.We are also beyond scared.

I think most of the family knows by now. I honestly haven't been too excited to tell anyone. I'm trying not to think too much about it because thinking causes worry with me.I wasn't ready for the 'congratulations' because I felt like this was a death sentence. I realized at 16 weeks that not too many people knew, and I could be half way through already. I am at a high risk doctor right now. We feel very comfortable with him, and we spent several hours with him during the first visit discussing the pregnancy.

What we know:

I had PIH with both pregnancies. My blood pressure did not go down as soon as I had Landon. There was a little bit of worry, and I remember I stayed in recovery for about 4-5 hours. Landon was delivered emergency c-section at 38 weeks due to oligo. He was IUGR--hence 5 pounds 10 ounces.

My PIH turned into Early Onset Pre-eclampsia with Lucy. I have all my records from my doctor, and at my 28 week appointment for Lucy my blood pressure was about 112/76.

My Pre-E made a bad turn for HELLP. When I arrived at the hospital for Lucy, my BP was 167/110, and it didn't peak until after my seizure.My liver enzymes were extremely high, the liver pain was awful, but my plaelets weren't too bad yet. They also peaked a day or so after the seizure. 

My pre-e turned in Eclampsia--seizure.

Having pre-eclampsia itself is not too high of a number, and the chances of it turning severe, and then HELLP are even smaller. Even with my blood tests, there is no reason as to why it all happened. There is also no way of knowing what will happen this time. My doctor has said I could carry full term and schedule a c-section, or it could be the complete opposite. So, as of now, the goal is to make it to 24 weeks! And he said after we get that far, we all know how great a 29 week baby can turn out! I did proceed to ask him at what week he schedules the c-sections. He laughed. He said we have to be realistic, but it would be at 39 weeks. The chances are low, very low that we will go that long. But hey, the chances of pregnancy were very low ( I have the papers saying it!), the chances of pre-e, eclampsia, and hellp with a 2nd baby with the same father, and no lupus were VERY low too.

All of this to say we are having another baby. We are very excited for a new life. We are thankful for the blessing! We are thankful we were chosen to raise 3. We need prayers. We need prayers for this tiny baby to keep growing. Mommy can't help what will happen, and Mommy can't pick if and when my BP will go up. There is nothing we can do, but wait. Mommy also can't stand the thought of her baby having to go through months of not living at home with wires and tubes. Mommy also doesn't want to think about the % of things that are higher for NICU babies. Mommy doesn't want to go through  depression again.We need prayers for peace.It has been a rough 4 months emotionally. We might finally be at a happy point. I only start to worry when I feel sick. I know that whenever we have this baby--most likely will be due to pre-e-- my mind will race & I will go crazy thinking about what might happen in the next 2 days. I know there is probably a select few people who could understand my worries and fears--women who went through it and got pregnant again. Very slim amount of people. I know that the family who was with me somewhat understand, but it is from a different viewpoint.

I check my blood pressure daily, even though there is no reason it should be up yet. I will be monitored closely, and the doctors and nurses will do all they can to get my baby out before my body decides to do anything it shouldn't again!  We will keep updating as the weeks go on, and hopefully will still be updating when we schedule that c-section at 39 weeks!

PS

YES , I had already been to my first appointment and was a little past 8 weeks during the Half marathon. That was another reason why I hadn't ran in a month--I was so worn out and tired! This was on top of the bronchitis and asthma issues.I had not run more than 10 miles. I am fully using this as an excuse for my jog/walk slow time! I am already NOT looking forward to half marathon #3, even though that seems to be the only thing to cut that baby weight off of me!

And NO, all of those stomach viruses I had were NOT morning sickness. Those were all before, and I really did get sick A LOT and throw up a lot in the late winter. I did not throw up with any of my 3 pregnancies......so far.

YES, I plan on getting a tubal while they are out and in my doctor's hands.
My pelvic bones are already popping every time I stand up. Haven't gotten stuck yet, but this was always the most uncomfortable part of pregnancy for me. Yay!